I’m seriously going through what I call a, MINOR DEPRESSION PERIOD. Unfortunately, to some of you, it may not seem like it...Only because I’m being a hypocrite about it. But I’m telling you now, I MIGHT do some drastic to myself at this critical stage.

I’m so sick and tired of everything. I just wished that TIME can just stop or better still just DIE.
Isn’t that better? What’s the point in living when one suffers so much? Here I am, at a tender age of 19 and I’ve got like what? 60-70 years ahead of me? With more problems to anticipate and the worse part is going through all of them one by one.

My life at the moment is just filled with regrets.

• Regret that I didn’t study enough for O’levels.
• Regret that I should have re-sit for the exams again.
• Regret that I should have enrolled in Business Management instead of Tourism.
• Regret that I should taken mom and dad’s advice about studying overseas and be independent.

And it doesn't stop there.. there's a whole lot more man..

I don’t know but, I really feel like I HATE myself. I’m a lousy daughter towards my parents, an irresponsible role-model to my sister and a bitch towards my family and friends. A lot say that I’m strong and confident inside as well as the outside... How I wish I can tell you all that it’s SO not true. I’m a timid little freak with no dreams, no ambitions.

I’ve been having weird flash images of what my life is going to be if I don’t do something about it now. I’m not sure if the people out there who are hiring employees in the company, are trying to make a mock out of me. It’s so sickening and depressing to have to go through a series of interviews and not a single one of them calls you back. Like c’mon man, am I that terrible? You people nod your heads in what seems like an AGREEMENT? Jesus… -__- I don’t understand man... It’s not like I’m applying for an executive position you know??

I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day. But I don’t know why it seems like everyday is dark, cloudy? I envy my friends who are still in school, doing what people their age would be doing. Not like me, doing the house work, cooking for the family, almost everyday.

I’m broke; my parents have no desire to give me my allowance on time. Do they even know what I’m going through? I can understand that they’re working and all to provide for us. But… I’m not asking a lot man. Everything has to be done according to them just because they ‘bring home the bacon’. I’m not that typical girl who has to have like $100-200 a month for allowance. I don’t buy fancy things although I wished I could? I hardly go out for a movie and all that… I want to go to parties but I can’t. My curfews are like UNBELIEVABLE?

And just when I want to start going to work to earn myself a living and not depend on my parents, NOBODY bothers to employ me... Is there any sense to all of this? Please tell me, which 19 year old does this?

Which brings me back to the ‘DIE rather than LIVING’ issue…

GOD.. I need your guidance on this.. Answer my prayers!!