I'm currently feeling UPSET and DISAPPOINTED in myself.
I SWEAR that I knew i could do it. Guess i got my hopes so high that i ended being disappointed and make myself feel like i'm such a FAILURE. At the begining, i thought it was okay, it may be my destiny to not go to the POLY.. but when i came back home.. could see in mom's eyes that she's not pleased eventhough she said that it was okay. ITS NOT OKAY man! With that, we argued which led me to feeling more DEPRESSED. CAN YOU PLEASE CUT ME SOME SLACK? I'M UPSET AS I ALREADY AM. DON'T MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR ME!

I was already holding back my tears when mom and me were arguing.. Until DAD called me from China. I felt so bad and ashamed that i din know wad to say to him. Instead, i jus burst out crying.. It was damn DRAMATIC, i know.. but it was REAL too! I told him i was sorry upteen times, that i din make it and that i disappointed him too much.
I was expecting a nice BIG scolding from him but it turned out that he DIDN'T! He was very encouraging to me and told me that its NOT THE END OF THE ROAD for me.. Is it? Is it really not the end? He also said that he was proud of me that i made it this far and also happy that i managed to Complete the exam. I'm not so sure about that. To me, its nothing HAPPY to talk about..

Part of me is telling me to just give up on studies. The other part of me is just GO on, PURSUE your studies.
I'm seriously not ready for any of this.. REALLY I AM.. I'm happy for all of my friends who made it.. but not happy for myself..

WHY? WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME?! AM I NOT WORTHY OF DOING WELL IN THIS EXAM?

I dun think i'll sleep well tonight.. too much to think. Hmmm.. i need my dad now.. he's the only one i can confide in..
I'm leaving now.. Goodnight.

P.S To my cousin Mandy, Thanks for calling me up to check on me today.. Your encouragement meant so much to me. I appreciate it alot. Love you!